I am NOT an author. My roles are wife, caregiver, mother, grandmother,
admin, volunteer, certified meditation teacher - student of meditation.
Recently, I attended a retreat led by teacher, author, and current master of
wisdom, davidji. I can recall my feelings telling this giant that I was asked to write
an article on meditation. “So, how is it going”? I was embarrassed to tell him the
truth. It wasn’t. I declined the opportunity. Why? I surrendered to my inner critic
and to feelings of fear and inadequacy. davidji encouraged me to write the article on
how I feel when I am NOT living in the present moment. Here it goes!
When I am not fully present I lose “awareness” and go on autopilot. I get
caught in my story lines, melodramas and spin off. Sitting center stage in my mind is
“I am not good enough” and “you probably will never be.” Emotions overwhelm me.
The words I speak become harsh. Sometimes I shut completely down and pretend
to be fine. My responses are knee-jerk. I feel out of b...