As I move about my life I meet so many people who are in some of the greatest health challenges of their lives. They have recently been given a diagnosis or are in various stages of learning how to “live”, and not “die” from their current health challenge(s). Or, I meet family members intimately involved in helping their loved ones during these challenges.
I relate to them on such a deep level because 30 years ago this month I found myself in these exact hallways. I “get” how it feels to have your world rocked in less than a minute. I “get” how afraid they are, the stress and exhaustion one experiences from sleepless nights and fear. The holding back and not embracing life fully from adapting a mindset of “I can’t be happy, be at peace, I have this disease, I’m waiting for the “other shoe to drop” approach to life.
My journey to heal was a “three legged stool approach” to heal from my cancer. I practice it still today. Taught it to my k...
It is interesting (small word) and very often “frustrating” to me how much my spiritual work continues to be centered on my unworthiness at 62 years young. How the person I want to love me the most, myself, spends so much mental energy trying to convince me that I don’t deserve my own love. I notice these thoughts so often throughout my day. Some examples: when I receive a compliment, a hug, passing a mirror, looking into a mirror, getting dressed, when I attempt to do something new, sitting with a hospice patient, teaching meditation, writing like this, writing a blog, not getting a response to a text, attempting to move my meditation business forward, spending money on myself, saying no to a request, speaking my truth, working out or choosing not to work out, having sugar, not having sugar, unplugging, hearing about your achievements or your accomplishments, seeing ads on TV, on and on! Unworthiness – my unworthiness – my spiritual work.
The amount of times I have said this affirmation to myself are too numerous to count. I learned it from Susan Jeffers in my 30’s when I was going through a divorce with three kids under the age of nine and a part time job. I was a big time worrier back then and a crisis mediator. Everything felt like a 911 event!
I continue to say it whenever fear pops up. Right now I AM back in a course with davidji called Deeper Still. It’s his advanced teacher training and I am doing it again to continue to push myself out of some comfort zones and limiting beliefs.
This week’s assignment calls for a five minute video of ourselves teaching a meditation class. I know how to teach a class ~ I conquered that challenge a few years ago. The fear emotions surface when I see myself in the camera doing the video recording. Then submitting it wondering what my teacher and mentor will think.