In 2013, for the first time in my life, I decided to take a leap of faith, push through my limiting beliefs, take money out of a joint bank account for mySelf and attend a retreat entitled, “Exploring the Five Realms.” At that time the word “realm” wasn’t even in my vocabulary. Earlier that year I had heard davidji on the Hay House World Summit talking about the practice of meditation – specifically I heard “how” to mediate. He made it seem inviting – easy – and something that I could actually do. I dove in that afternoon, downloaded every podcast from the Hay House Archives and ordered the “Secrets of Meditation.” I also started meditating every day for a full 30 minutes. In less then three months I experienced more then subtle shifts in my life. My purpose in going to Tulum that November was to obtain my own personal mantra. That seemed so special to me and at that time I needed something special "just for me." Within a day of meeting davidji I experienced transformation. I literally ambushed him the second morning of the retreat and asked him for the “cliff notes” of this “thing” because I didn’t think I could stand another day in my own mind. He listened beyond the word mindfully and paused for what seemed to be eternity and told me two things that I have never forgotten. The first was the Rumi quote about not seeking love but to seek and find the barriers that prevent us from loving. The second sentence was harder to remember and still is today – that I am the hole in the flute that the Christ breath flows through ~basically - I am a channel of the Divine - maybe he felt that way but I was far from not only that concept but that Truth. I had to look the quote up when I got home!
I have been on this path of transformation ever since that morning in 2013. Paying attention to where i place my "attention", setting intentions, leaning in, letting go, facing fear, embracing my Divinity, surrendering, praying, meditating, reading, writing, taking risks and serving. And, more often, becoming aware of how and where I am playing small.
In November '17, on the last morning of my advanced teacher training at the Nest in Carlsbad during davidji's course, Deeper Still and right after our sunrise meditation I took another bold risk. I approached davidji sheepishly and asked if I could help in channeling the Nakshatra Mantras in Tulum this year. His initial response was typical of our teacher. He suggested that I just rest. I told him that I would but that if I could in fact be part of this ceremony with our teacher liaison, Nancy, I would heal something very significant in my own life. And, to be a channel of the mantra in the exact same sacred space I received mine in would in fact be a magnificent unfolding of yet another intention. He allowed me that grace.
I "gave" three mantras that day with my beloved teacher and my aw inspiring soul sister, teacher liaison, Nancy. All three students (and me) were emotional during their ceremony. Yet, there was another miracle in store for me during the last student’s ceremony. The student's name was "Jerry". Why that was a miracle to me was that my youngest brother "Jerry" had died two weeks before I went to Tulum in 2016. I had a whole in my heart during that retreat. I was scared to leave home and take grief on the road with me and almost cancelled. Plus, to be honest I have never gone through grief without looking forward to a "cocktail" in the evening to soothe my broken heart. I remember vividly placing my grief in the womb of creation for rebirth during our labyrinth walking meditation. I asked for my heart to be healed that week. I was surrounded by a loving community and did in fact heal parts of my heart. One year later, in November of 2017, the final healing - or as davidji would teach, the full integration of my dear brother’s passing, occurred in Tulum during a mantra ceremony that I led. My healing became crystalized when “Jerry” sat down with me to receive his mantra from his sister, Colleen.
Attention. Intention. Action.
Trust. Trust. Trust.
You truly never know the power of your ripple do you - I am certain my new friend Jerry had no idea he would be part of my healing. I am including a picture of my student/brother Jerry one week after his mantra ceremony and a picture of me and davidji in Tulum in 2016!
I give thanks to all of you for taking the time to read this novel. I bow to all of you my dear teachers. I send you peace from the beautiful North Fork of Long Island. And a special shout out to my soul sister Glenda van Koot for her thoughtfulness in taking these pictures and always, always being there for me rooting me onward ~
The Master acts without doing anything and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.
(thank you davidji for this magnificent opportunity, your newest book, "Sacred Powers - The Five Secrets to Awakening Transformation" and your teachings)