Colleen M. Doumeng
Sometimes I have an overly active “chatterbox.” That’s the voice inside my head that tends to drive me nuts whenever I decide to do something outside my comfort zone. I became reintroduced to it again earlier this month trying to decide, should I do yoga in a studio with other people?
Here’s a sampling of my chatterbox:
You did this last January. Found a yoga studio, bought the monthly pass went twice. Honestly, did you go twice or was it once? Ugh - Ok – it was once – so what’s going to be different this time (um…me)?
You bought that expensive mat remember? True … I needed it.
You HAD to buy a pair of the most expensive yoga pants from lululemon. (Actually, I bought three… ugh…please stop…)
This new studio ? Way too far away, reminder – it’s winter and cold out. Might be icy.
You’re too old and you look ridiculous in yoga pants - (ok – that’s my fear of aging again – ugh - again)
It’s too hard (ok that’s my need for perfection – ugh again)
What if no one likes you or wants to be your friend? (Ok, there it is – my fear of rejection, my fear of being vulnerable).
Here’s how I turned that chatterbox off ~
Finally awareness came through - THE ONLY WAY I AM GOING TO GET RID OF THIS FEAR OF DOING SOMETHING IS TO GO OUT AND JUST DO IT! I had to feel my fear and do it anyway. I joined the yoga studio! Bought the monthly pass, put the great yoga pants on, walked in with my fears AND a personal commitment to be fully present. I also committed to: opening my heart and allowing myself to be vulnerable, stopping the negative self talk about aging, replacing it with acceptance and gratitude to this body for serving me so well and for 63 years!!!! I reminded myself that I Am doing the best that I can and so is everyone else. I looked into the eyes of every person I met before I walked away. And I took the advice of a very wise woman who told me - lighten up and shine your light Colleen!
Here's what happened: I used the time in the car to listen to an uplifting and inspirational book, met a wonderful teacher and warm and welcoming people, felt an overwhelming sense of connection to a new community, felt “at home”, went twice (a personal record!), felt amazing afterwards and left looking forward to returning!!! I’m pretty proud of myself! I did yoga in a studio!!! Yay!!! It is possible to tone down the ole chatterbox - I know!