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  • Writer's pictureColleen M. Doumeng



We know by now through our life experiences after a loss that there is no timeline in our grief process – it is indeed a process, a journey. When someone we love passes we become more aware of how many anniversaries there are in life – from birth to marriages and all the others in between. And, that the happiness we once shared on a particular date is now replaced with sorrow. Our grief doesn’t end on a certain day or date.

I am the kind of person who has buried the date of the passing of my loved ones. I know their birth dates, but not their date of death. However, on a subconscious level, the date is there. Stored in my subconscious and stored in my body. My body remembers.

Friends tend to avoid calling on “the anniversary day” or bringing up the subject of our loss because many of us are afraid that they will cause us undo pain – that maybe we forgot and they don’t want to be the person who reminds us. I remember earlier this year receiving a phone call from a friend who was just checking in – she remembered that my father had died this day and knew exactly how many years ago. Although I had forgotten consciously his anniversary of death, there was something “off” about how I was feeling that day. I wasn’t mad at all – in fact I was deeply touched and overwhelmed with gratitude. My dear friend shared a heart-warming story about my dad, how much she loved him and how much she loved me. I let go of some grief that day during our call and I know now that I experienced healing through her love. Her phone call left me feeling a deep sense of peace, connection to my dad and my friend and to the whole process of life.

My invitation to you ~

if you know someone who is experiencing the anniversary of a loss of a loved one don’t be afraid to reach out. They didn’t forget. They won’t get mad. And, perhaps, like me, they will feel deep gratitude for your love and you will be part of their grief -healing journey.

God bless you.

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1 Comment

Adriaan Jorrie Jordaan
Adriaan Jorrie Jordaan
Oct 02, 2022

Love your blog Colleen. Your story about death anniversary was very touching to me. Like you I too don't remember the passing of my Father and Mother. Thank you for being a spiritual friend and bring the memory of my Mom into the present for me. Love, Adriaan

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