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  • Writer's pictureColleen M. Doumeng

I AM willing to change and grow

Day 40! Wow ! It’s hard to believe that 40 days have gone by since I (we) started this self love challenge inspired by davidji. I AM deeply grateful to you for encouraging me on my journey ~ for taking the time to read my very long posts and for so many kind words. I have never done anything like this before and I have grown so much just by having “how can I love myself a little bit more” in my awareness... so thank you again for taking this journey with me. To me being in a community of authentic brave vulnerable like minded souls makes all the difference. I have learned so much from you and I pray that I continue to learn and grow with you.

One of the many powerful lessons in self love that I learned from Louise Hay is that I need to be “willing” to change.

I once said that very casually to a student who had just started AA a few days before my friend asked her to come to my meditation class because she didn’t want to go alone.

This student immediately opened up to me that she was searching a connection to a Higher Power.

She had heard about a Higher Power but she didn’t think (repetitive thought pattern that became a belief ) that she would ever be able to find the connection within herself.

I suggested if she meditated she could find that connection.

She told me all the excuses I have heard a million times as to how that just wasn’t possible for her. I didn’t know how busy her mind was.

So I suggested again, would you be “willing” to make a change?

It was as if a lightbulb went off in our session. She said to me, AM I willing to make a change ? Yes! I AM willing. No idea how it will go but I’m willing.

Two years later this student is sober, meditating everyday and has a powerful connection to her Higher Power. She believes her transformation started the moment she affirmed I am willing to change.

Affirmation ~ I AM willing to change. I AM willing to change.

If you really want to know how stubborn you are, just begin by thinking about the IDEA of being willing to change.

We say we want our lives to change but WE don’t want to have to change.

Louise says some people would rather die then make a change. (Think heart attack patient heavy smoker advice stop smoking equals yes I want to live but stop smoking? I can’t make that change. Not now ~

We want our lives to become easier but we don’t want to have to change. We prefer that THEY change. I Think about how many times I decide Your the problem ~ Not me. If you would only change I would be happy. (Pema Chondron This Lousy World YouTube video seven day challenge).

It’s interesting to observe myself when I decide to make a change. Anger and Resistance surfaces.

This is not a bad thing - it’s actually a lesson. Very insightful for personal growth.

Every time I decide to make a change in my life to release something else, it means I’m going deeper into myself to do it.

Each layer has to give way and be released so that it can be replaced with new thinking. New behaviors.

Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes not so easy. All ok.

And we do this the rest of our lives. Why? Because lessons are always present throughout our daily lives.

I believe a ritualized meditation practice is the key to my awareness of where I need to change. It takes me deeper into my layers, helps me release what no longer serves me, shines a light on my inner beauty and wholeness and serves as the healing balm for my wounds when I can sit with all my stuff exactly as it is in this moment this experience. There’s always stuff coming up! Triggers all day long. It’s part of me being human.

Louise Hay teaches, “the mental work I do now is like cleaning a house. I go through my mental rooms and examine the thoughts and beliefs in them. Some I love, so I polish and shine them and make them even more useful. Some I notice need replacement or repair, and I get around to them as I can. Some are like yesterday’s newspapers and magazines or clothing that is no longer suitable. These I either give away or toss into the trash, and I let them be gone forever. It’s not necessary for me to be angry or to feel like I’m a bad person in order to do this.”

I AM willing to change.

Be willing to allow the changes to happen in your life.

Become aware where you don’t want to change. Don’t be afraid to look within ~ because this is exactly the area where you need to change the most.

I AM willing to change.

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