Colleen M. Doumeng
Do you have a habit of critical thinking?
How can I love myself a little more today?
Do you have a habit of critical thinking? Judging, judging, picking, picking everything through critical eyes? Most of us have this tendency. I was certainly once a very critical and judgmental thinker. As part of the Master of Wisdom Meditation Teacher Training certification course led by davidji, I did a deep and intensive dive into exploring and reflecting upon where I learned how to criticize. Why I accepted the opinions of others and conducted my life the way "they" wanted me to. Where this belief, "I'm not good enough" originated. Easy? No. Liberating? Yes. We can't change what we dont acknowledge. Turns out I had years of swallowing angry feelings. I had learned that it wasn't "nice" or "acceptable" to be angry. Then I learned that these feelings settled very deeply in my body and over time as they accumulated they became resentment and "dis-ease." I do believe that this buried anger that turned into resentment contributed to my cancer challenge. This buried emotion of anger that became resentment also contributed to my habitual critical thinking patterns.
I am so happy to have learned through meditation how to observe rather than react, how to acknowledge ALL of my emotions. I am comfortable now with saying, "this makes me angry" or "I'm angry about what you did" and, "I love you" when I feel love feelings. Recently when my husband Rene and me went through a life altering challenge someone said to me, "you sound angry about this." I remember responding, "yes I am, I am very angry with what this person did. I also remember thinking to myself, good girl you have grown in leaps and bounds - you are entitled to your feelings - it's ok to feel angry and to act upon it appropriately!
Maybe as part of our self love challenge this week we might be willing to reflect upon the areas and the things we criticize ourselves about and turn them around with praise! Think about this too - are you acknowledging your feelings or swallowing them? Can you give yourself permission to express all your feelings in appropriate ways?
Learning to praise myself still to this day feels awkward at times but I trust the process. Here's one I am using this week ~ "You become more wonderful every day."